You and your partner have been living together for several years, and in general you both seem to be satisfied.
However, maybe something is lacking in the relationship: the slow long lasting kisses, the fiery glances and spontaneous visits to the bedroom have become a thing of the past. Over time, your love life has become monotonous; passion has cooled into a warm display of affection. It is nothing serious, of course, but you may find it a tad boring.
Several experts on the subject will tell you how you can rekindle the flame with your partner and revitalize the relationship.
Distance Brings you Closer
"Couples who have been together for a long time know each other so well that their encounters lose excitement," says Doris Willer, sex therapist in Hamburg, Germany, who advises patients not to do everything together. Further advice is to give each other space and go out separately from time to time. "Find a new hobby, like singing in a choir or study another language. Travel without your family for a weekend and let your partner do the same. It is important to encourage and not ruin each other’s plans. Fun and new experiences outside the relationship is essential." Then they will certainly have excellent conversation topics.
Reveal Your Intimate Desires to your Partner
German Psychologist Eva Wlodarek, specialising in women's affairs said, "If you do not talk about your innermost desires and do not keep an open mind on your partner’s desires you will generate frustration on both sides". A recent survey revealed that 66 percent of men believe that a relationship benefits when erotic preferences are expressed. However, when it comes to practice, things are not always that simple. 62 percent of men surveyed admitted to not always speaking openly about their desires, and 10 percent of men said they would never dare to do so. It happens almost as much with women, who often remain silent for fear of rejection.
How should such a sensitive issue be addressed? Eva Wlodarek outlines the rules to make this work: "It is not ok to make suggestions to your partner when you are already in bed. Nobody wants to hear proposals on how to improve the sex when it is already going on. Nor should you suddenly say “there is something we need to discuss.” Wait until you are both in good spirits and ready to discuss the issue; for example, during a walk.
Your suggestion should not sound critical. Do not say "Why don’t you ever ...?" But say, "What I'd really like is ...". However, says Wlodarek, if your partner is definitely against the proposal, you should always accept without demur: "No means no. No two people have the same intimate desires, and both have to agree on what to do in bed. Still, I recommend talking about it. It is the only way to know the reasons for your partner saying no, and to dispel any fears he or she might have about the subject. "
Domestic Work Makes a Man Look Sexy
According to studies done by psychologist Joshua Coleman and sociologist Scott Coltrane from The United States, women consider men sexier when they help around at home rather than those who sit on the couch and don’t move a muscle. "Women find their husbands more attractive when they do chores at home," says Coleman. What better reason to start sweeping and mopping!
Be Partners in Play
Monotony in bed can be long-forgotten with a few simple games. "When a couple is unhappy with their relationship and one of the two seems unhappy and frustrated, I suggest you change roles when making love," says the therapist Doris Willer. "You can toggle in erotic play preludes and interchange the seductive role in your relationship." This time you take the initiative, and the next time it is your partner’s turn. The idea is not necessarily to realise each other’s wildest uninhibited erotic dreams but to prevent a routine from taking over in the relationship. "Trying something new is the only way to stimulate our sexual lives," says Willer.
Strengthen Your Affection
"Would you like your relationship to be more romantic like it was in the beginning? Well then strengthened the affection and admiration you have for your partner" says therapist John Gottman. Valuing your partner is something that you can practice; for example, write a list of everything you like about him or her and reminisce of a situation where your partner has shown those qualities.
"Who says that to have sexual relationships there must always be a very urgent desire?" Asks the German sexologist Ulrike Brandenburg "Why is it that the “I do not feel like it” always wins over the “A little sex would do us both good?" Analyze the excuses you use to deny sex and be more flexible. Instead of waiting until you feel the urge, take the initiative and create intimacy "on purpose" Brandenburg suggests. If you nurture, this pleasure will flow naturally.